Discontented.

First of all, I didn't expect any praise or captivation. I didn't expect any person to say that my artwork is spectacular. And I didn't expect to be handled the way I was. No one really asked me about any of the stories behind my paintings. No one asked me, "what's going on here?" or "why did you make this?" Nobody took me into depth. That, and those type of questions, I expected. I was ready for them. I was ready to be asked difficult questions about my work and respond with substantial, deep meanings. I was ready to show colleges the aptitude for art that I had. Don't get me wrong, the colleges did not put me down in anyway or gave me negative comments. They critiqued and gave me their honest opinions. I respect that, and that's exactly what I want. But I didn't want something more, I believed I deserved it. I believe that I deserved better feedback or better questions, because I know that I really put quality work into my pieces. They don't know that though, but I thought that they would get an idea of it by looking. I guess not. I was told that I need more drawings; I understand and agree. I was told that my portfolio doesn't quite balance; I agree. I was told that my color use was great and full of potential; I agree. I was told that I was getting lost with color; I don't agree.

I went to CCA first because that's the number one school I want to go to. I didn't go to others first and build up stamina for CCA. I went to them first because it was the most important and I was fresh. The man told me I need more drawings, because he said illustrators can draw anything. In a way, I think he perceived that I wasn't so good at drawing. That is false, because drawing would probably be my strongest ability. He loved the color in my pieces. Then, he decided that I should resubmit my portfolio. Just because I didn't have any good drawings? I understand that. As he was pausing before checking the box saying "Resubmit..." I was yearning, inside, that he'd change his mind and check the box that said my portfolio has been approved. He didn't. Right after, he told me what he did and its not that my portfolio doesn't have the potential to be approved right then and there. He also told me that he could see loads of potential in my work. And his favorite piece was my print, a piece that I made quickly. Thank you.

Next, I went to Otis. The lady there did ask me about a couple of my pieces and I explained. She liked what I had to say. She also liked my print.... She told me that she hopes I apply because she believes that I would have a good chance of being accepted. That's nice, wouldn't you say? That was the type of thing I wanted to know. But, then I also found out that while you learn art at Otis, you earn your GED. Something that I don't want to do and something that I can do at SJSU. She was nice though. Thank you.

I went to Laguna College of Design next and they were taking so long with their kids. So, my father and I left the line. Thank you.

Lastly, I had my portfolio reviewed by Parsons. If I was accepted by them, that would be so cool, because they're located in NY, NY. The man told me I need to go back and do more traditional work as in still lives, but just copy, recreate. I was told I need more drawings and not to include pieces over a year old. He also told me that my work was all over the place and that I needed to stick to one thing. I can agree there, because there are pieces in my portfolio that I put in there just to occupy space. And he told me that he thinks I got lost with color. Thank you.

I wanted to go up to Art Center, but I didn't have the courage. I knew my portfolio wasn't adequate enough. I guess thats a bad on my side. Plus, the line was long. Oh well.

I also saw a lot of, I guess nice looking, girls... with flat asses. O_o
To sum it up: National Portfolio Day wasn't as good, for me, as I had hoped.

I waited over an hour in my dad's car, in the McDonald's parking lot, as he shopped in Amoeba.

I drove home and while doing so I was falling into stage one of sleep. But, I made it.

I'm here now, a bit crushed and lost; lost without the confidence and ambition I had beforehand. All I know and want to do now is go out. I want to hang with friends and people because I haven't in two weeks. I think I'd be ok with it.

Also, I saw HELLA subies today. It was crazy and too much to handle. The most of them were wagons and it was a mixture of WRXs and 2.5/Outbacks. I never knew. I guess SF loves Subaru and wagons. Saw hella Outbacks and Legacys too, but you see them all over the place.

So... that's basically it. The blog-worthy information and stories. Bye.