Love songs of all kind on the radio are killing me. Reminiscing brings sadness too. It was so much. As if a little boy was in the bathroom trying to make the biggest water balloon ever. He'd be the man to all his friends for pullin' that shit out. And as the moment approaches where its about to become bigger than everyone else's, it pops.

As I started my dad's truck, about to drive to the gym, the radio was on an unknown station. So I changed it to 106.1. The song U Got it Bad by Usher played, right at the chorus. It slapped me. The exact words playing were, "U got it, u got it bad/If you miss a day without your friend, your whole life's off track..." That line related to me. I wanted and tried to spend each day with her. No matter what time. Before school, during school, after school, weekends, summer days, it was nonstop. When we spent time together each day of a week I was overjoyed. I didn't want to spend time with friends, just her. She was always opposed to that, but it was fine with me.

I always missed her. From the beginning... to now. That feeling was new to me. I never missed any girl before. When someone and I departed, I never couldn't wait to see her again. But this one, I did. Always, all the time. Its serious. The word miss, as in 'I miss you,' never fulfilled this feeling I had of missing her. I always wanted to find a word that meant something like; extremely missing a person. I never took the time to, until now. I couldn't find anything that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for but the best I could come up with is the word yearn. I guess that's it. "I yearned to be with her again." "After dropping her off, I yearned to pick her up in the morning." I guess it works, but there's gotta be a better word.

I thought about times I had with her again. Each day I used to replay the day I had with her all over again in my head. To enjoy it again. Evaluate it. Feel happy. One time I sang Nice and Slow to her, by Usher, but I remixed it. It was fun. It was a while ago.

I have an image that my friends are not a stranger to. I can be really emo, yet keep it all cool. I also have the image of a hip-hopper/sneaker head/etc. But within all those, I can squish in emo-ness. Its funny, actually. As if I'm a cool person that is really sad inside. Ironic and funny. Though its not really a part of me, I just get sad at times. I've had sad days before, I've been through mine. Ever since I was a little kid, I was exposed to sadness. As the years passed it reoccurred. And until the point I grew up a little, maybe I was a pre-teen, I learned to accept it. Accept things that make me down and just leave them alone. Let them go and get over them. I had enough practice it became easy to me, and stayed with me. That skill, if you can call it one, played roles in my "relationship." It made things clear. I don't become emo on purpose, it just happens. Again, its funny to me.