Whoo-sa...!

Today was good. Times are getting better. I'm getting there.

School was good, had fun here and there. Homecoming practice was tiring. I'm actually practicing and not fooling around as much as I used to. I'm proud of that. And I'm going to really perform my best come the performance. Even though it may not even be needed.

I spent time with my two homies who, together, I haven't in a while. We bonded. I remember, on my 15th or 16th birthday, that three of us skated at school, and got chased by Mr. Rios. Ah, fun times. And that was the day I first landed my inward heelflip. Oh, the memories. I even landed a 360 flip today. Proud of myself I am.

I also worked on my photoshop skills. They're getting, maybe, better? I was always reluctant to use PS because I thought it was complicated. In fact, its not really.

Work out at the gym was great. I really pushed it and could see that my arms have gotten bigger. I worked out what I like to call "the bi's, tri's, shi's, and fi's." Haha. In translation, it means the biceps, triceps, shoulders, and forearms.

My right eyelid is swelling. Been a while too and its annoying me. So bothersome, it better go away soon.

And last but not least, my senior portraits came in. They're nice. And if you want a wallet, give me one in exchange. Holla!

So that's a run-down of today. Later.

Shizz I sported today...:

The End of the Road

I've come to a decision. Its going to be difficult, but I'll try like I always do -my hardest. The steps to getting over her is effected immediately.

I was going to make a post listing the memories I had. It was going to be a poem even. But, its not necessary at the moment. Like in the song above, which I hope you listen to because it sets the tone better, "I'll take the memories to be my sunshine after the rain." I'll remember the good times we had and I'll remember the bad times. I'll never forget her and I hope she never forgets me.

You were and still are a big part of my life. No matter how bumpy the roads were, and they haven't flatten yet, its not enough to separate me from you. I'll keep you as a friend, what I guess we were meant to be. I'll keep in touch with you as best as I can too. I'll always care for you and I'll still pray for you. Who knows, maybe we'll still have our spark in the future... well then we'll just have to keep it gangsta and find out what will happen. I wish you a lifetime of happiness. You will always be Bittersweet to me. Thank you for everything.

Yo....

My crew and I finally finished a new track. If you're reading this, please listen to it as well. http://www.myspace.com/lethallogistics The new track is entitled Pussyliah. Hehe :D





Today was... alright.





WDIWT:
Stussy/Hanes/AAA/Dickies/Bisons

My PS skills are improving.

Thank you to all the friends I have that have taken the time to ask me what happened. Much love. G'night.

Signs.

Everywhere I went and everything I did today reminded me of her. Everything, son. Nonetheless, each morning she's one of the first things I think about. Real deal. And needless to say, one of the last things before I sleep, or try to sleep. Let's break it down shall we?

My Room: (No particular order.)
The first place I was conscious in was, of course, my room. I wanted to try and watch a movie, so I opened my DVD player. There was already a DVD in there because I always leave DVDs in there after finishing. The DVD was Disc Two of Monk Season One. Like all the reminders, it hit with a shock. I let her watch all the Monk seasons. I think I even introduced her to that show. And that particular disc was in there because I was watching it again to remember her. The morning was sluggish, I was idle. I looked at my rhyme book, she gave that book to me. I went on the computer, it was a medium for communication. I looked at my shoes, there was a pair we got to match. I looked at a Premier bag that I pinned on the wall for decoration and there was a little bit cut off it, I used that piece of paper to make a little card and tied it onto a sunflower that I placed on her desk, for her to discover, on Valentine's morning. I looked at my hats, hanging on my wall, there's a Bittersweet Fitted, I bought because it'd be sentimental. Also, on that wall is a picture of her, a picture of us, and a picture she drew of us. I looked in my closet at my clothes, I know which ones she's seen me wore. I look at my mirror, she looked at it before too. I look on top of my drawers and there is a book of Sudoku and nose strips, she introduced me to both of them. I looked at my DVD collection, remembered the movies we watched together; when, where, and why. I, still, see York mints on my desk, she bought me them and I never ate them all. And I looked at more folded clothes, saw the shirt she despises the most.

The Middle Level:
The Kitchen brought memories. We ate there, hung there, etc. I had been on the phone talking to a friend and was about to sit on a couch in the formal room. I stopped myself, because her and I used to sit there, sleep there, and play games there. I looked at the wall mirrors, and again, we used to look at them at the same time. The section with the table, reminded me of when we spent time there. We used to wrestle there too. A lot reminded me here, I just can't remember them all.

Downstairs:
Same to everything. Even memories in the garage.

Eastridge Mall:
I went with my sister and I went alone. I watched Bourne Ultimatum because I've been dieing to see it. We were supposed to watch it one day, but it didn't follow through. I watched alone. And again, there are countless reminders that were given from the mall. The stores, the food, etc.

Its just so hard when you were so close. I've never missed her so much. I went back in our history and relived times. Whether at my place, her place, and everywhere in between. I remembered times. Yeah, its sad and yeah, you can say I'm going through the phase. But, I have a feeling its not over. I'm not letting go. I remember all the things I gave her and all the things I was planning to give her. I remember so much, but don't remember every little reminder that came to me today. And also, what's sad, is that her birthday is coming up. I hoped that I would've been there as I was, but I'll just be there as I am now. And, the haters are happy. So oh well.

Love songs of all kind on the radio are killing me. Reminiscing brings sadness too. It was so much. As if a little boy was in the bathroom trying to make the biggest water balloon ever. He'd be the man to all his friends for pullin' that shit out. And as the moment approaches where its about to become bigger than everyone else's, it pops.

As I started my dad's truck, about to drive to the gym, the radio was on an unknown station. So I changed it to 106.1. The song U Got it Bad by Usher played, right at the chorus. It slapped me. The exact words playing were, "U got it, u got it bad/If you miss a day without your friend, your whole life's off track..." That line related to me. I wanted and tried to spend each day with her. No matter what time. Before school, during school, after school, weekends, summer days, it was nonstop. When we spent time together each day of a week I was overjoyed. I didn't want to spend time with friends, just her. She was always opposed to that, but it was fine with me.

I always missed her. From the beginning... to now. That feeling was new to me. I never missed any girl before. When someone and I departed, I never couldn't wait to see her again. But this one, I did. Always, all the time. Its serious. The word miss, as in 'I miss you,' never fulfilled this feeling I had of missing her. I always wanted to find a word that meant something like; extremely missing a person. I never took the time to, until now. I couldn't find anything that seemed to be exactly what I was looking for but the best I could come up with is the word yearn. I guess that's it. "I yearned to be with her again." "After dropping her off, I yearned to pick her up in the morning." I guess it works, but there's gotta be a better word.

I thought about times I had with her again. Each day I used to replay the day I had with her all over again in my head. To enjoy it again. Evaluate it. Feel happy. One time I sang Nice and Slow to her, by Usher, but I remixed it. It was fun. It was a while ago.

I have an image that my friends are not a stranger to. I can be really emo, yet keep it all cool. I also have the image of a hip-hopper/sneaker head/etc. But within all those, I can squish in emo-ness. Its funny, actually. As if I'm a cool person that is really sad inside. Ironic and funny. Though its not really a part of me, I just get sad at times. I've had sad days before, I've been through mine. Ever since I was a little kid, I was exposed to sadness. As the years passed it reoccurred. And until the point I grew up a little, maybe I was a pre-teen, I learned to accept it. Accept things that make me down and just leave them alone. Let them go and get over them. I had enough practice it became easy to me, and stayed with me. That skill, if you can call it one, played roles in my "relationship." It made things clear. I don't become emo on purpose, it just happens. Again, its funny to me.

Neosporin doesn't work.

Neosporin? I'm kidding, why, it hasn't even closed up yet. So, Neosporin isn't needed. I gotta wait for a little bit to heal first....

I have no regrets with her. But, the one thing I wish would've happen or would've been given to me was a last hug. Don't even need a last kiss or anything else. No last movie, no last dinner, no last whole day hangout. Just a last hug would suffice. For five seconds, ten seconds, just enough time to grasp and squeeze for the last time. To remember and leave something to remember. I tell you, its really sad.

My day yesterday was bittersweet, and it pains to say that. It was bitter because it happened yesterday. It was "sweet" because I wrote a new verse and spent time with my crew. I needed homie love. I made a great verse. Great because it came nowhere else but my heart and captured enough meaning. At first I wrote a verse about my current problems and wanted to make a solo track. While hanging with the peeps, Socrates came up with the idea to use this beat. Born Blessed came up with the idea to use these verses. My verse sucked for it, but the new one was perfect. So, yesterday I laced it. I recorded it. You'll hear it soon.

Now, I may be off to workout at the gym. I haven't been there in days because I've been working on my music. I'll channel my sorrow there.

I'm an honest person and I always try not to lie, so check this out; I teared while writing the second paragraph.

All Good Things Must Come To An End....

I know its probably taboo to do this so soon, but who's blog is this again? Oh yeah, mines. So... Btrswt and I are through. Its over. Yeah.... Well, its our business and not yours, so please don't ask. And all I can say is damn. Damn... damn... damn. DAMN!